Christian Living Men

Why Men Use Porn

Tony Stone727 views

Everything in our life has a narrative attached to it. A story. Things don’t happen in isolation, but are interconnected and fit within a storyline. This is also true for sex. [pullquote]Sex isn’t just an act, but one that fits within a narrative.[/pullquote] The narrative that God puts sex to is a sub story of covenant love between husband and wife pointing to the ultimate story of Christ’s covenant love to his church (see Ephesians 5).

Porn is not just watching people (or whatever) have sex. Period. It’s not that simple.  [pullquote position=”right”]Watching porn is really an act of delighting in a narrative of covenant unfaithfulness, covenant infidelity, intimacy without covenant, etc.[/pullquote] For that reason, porn use points to a much deeper problem than just wanting to see sexual acts or satisfy a physical craving.

There’s something wrong with us that we can look at a woman that we aren’t in covenant with and get delight out of thinking about any sexual contact. It’s not just that men give too much notice to beautiful women – the root of our heart problem goes beyond that. [pullquote]When a man is ensnared to lust, it’s because that man loves the idea of intimacy that isn’t within a marital covenant.[/pullquote] He loves the idea of sexuality experienced without covenant. That’s the kind of narrative you have to embrace in order to love the perverted sexual act attached to it. At it’s root, there’s something very anti-gospel about our sexual lusts.

So How Do We Fight?

We fight it with the gospel. [pullquote position=”right”]The gospel shows us the real narrative to our sex by shining light on Christ’s intimacy with his church.[/pullquote] As this gospel connects to our heart by faith and meditation, we grow in our love for the real narrative that God has connected sex to. The greater I love the narrative that sex rightly belongs in (covenant joy and union to Christ), the more I will hate porn as a parasite and counterfeit alternative to the narrative of pure sex. I can never truly love the narrative of the gospel and at the same time love adultery, fornication and every other form of sexual perversion.

Prayer

Lord, help us to fall deeper in love with the gospel narrative that gives sex it’s meaning and it’s fullness! Expel every sexual lust in my heart that thrives off of delight in fairy tales about what sex means. Fill my vision with Christ & his gospel!

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7 comments

Moody March 26, 2014 - 8:34 am
I'd like to offer the idea that it goes even deeper still. The majority of men who are caught up in porn have a deficiency in intimacy and a history of rejection. Looking at naked women is less about lusts (while certainly a part of it) and more about "acceptance" because a picture can't reject you. That seed is what leads people down the path of perversion that you explained above. To overcome such things, men must recognize this deficiency and hurt and address it (as you noted.) Good stuff brother!!
Tyshan Broden March 26, 2014 - 3:04 pm
The content is good but the tone of this article is a bit condescending and condemning.
mary March 26, 2014 - 4:22 pm
Agreed. Plus, men aren't the only ones watching porn.
Tyshan Broden March 26, 2014 - 6:40 pm
I was thinking the exact same thing as I read it. Then I thought based on that fact then the reasons change dramatically and the argument doesnt hold true for most.
george canady March 26, 2014 - 4:14 pm
I will share some of my struggle perhaps in hope that someone may benefit. I was first introduce to porn in my 3rd grade class book collection in 1967 toward the back of a National Geographic as I looked at young African girls who had no tops on. That sent two messages to me that I still struggle with.... Anyway, In latter years I became very addicted to porn even though married to a satisfying wife. After God saved me I struggled and failed many times to over come the temptation. Not until I realized how it effects my relationship to Jesus and my expressions of love to Him for what He has done, did I begin to fear the loss of that closeness as I sinned in that way. He has been kind to me anyway and shown me the way of escape as I work every day to avoid the temptation. I never take for granted that I have not failed in many years now and that I would not become too confident in the accountably of humans who can't see my heart. I have this faithfulness to offer to God and He seems to turn that into affection, dedication and care that comes through my wife. I don't know how he works that out but I see a difference. Porn was a major factor in the loss of my first marriage and I think the consequences of selfishness. I needed hope that God would not leave me in my struggle. I continued to confess my sin and ask Him for help. Don't give up. Its a difficult one but He is faithful.
noble March 26, 2014 - 8:38 pm
No diss, bro but I feel this is an oversimplification of an issues that goes deeper than sex at times. As a brother hinted below at times it is a response to rejection. Other times it's a byproduct of frustration and lack of control over certain situations in their lives. While others are out of a deep desire for affirmation. No doubt, it can go deeper than that. A good book I would recommend to anyone on this subject is Surfing For God by Michael John Cusick which tackles it with a more holistic approach that considers the role of sin, our past, psychology, and physiology. Peace.
Kellen Brewer September 28, 2014 - 9:54 am
Looking at porn is easy, its convent. It prevents me from the risk of contracting an std, and it keeps me from being distracted with the pursuit of finding a mate. On the other side of that, I know its wrong. A strong sense if guilt comes over me every time I view it. I have somewhat of an understanding of the psychological effects viewing porn has on the brain. I have also studied and gained an understanding or an idea of what God wants sex to be and how and who it should be performed with. I was raised to be a God fearing man by both of my parents, and for some reason I fail to find the strength when I'm facing the temptation to view pornography. I know I could read and pray more but is that the solution to my problem here? It hasn't worked up to this point. I don't know what else to do... Please help...

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