I Am Spiritually Dying
A few days ago, I listened to an episode of Tim Conway’s “Ask Pastor Tim” series. The episode was entitled “I Feel Like I’m Spiritually Dying.” A viewer wrote an email explaining that he felt like he was spiritually dying. The man wrote about feeling as if God had “become silent” and “left him.” At one point, the writer even questions whether he was ever actually saved.
Over the past few months, I too felt like I was spiritually dying. My hunger for the word had all but disappeared, I stopped going to church, and I stopped seeking God as I had before. Being recently married, I began to feel the pressure of having to pay for rent and bills; I struggled to pay off debt, and slowly but surely, my faith in God as my sovereign provider began to dwindle. Devotional time with God became less important to me than paying the bills. My role as a husband shifted from providing spiritually to solely providing materially. I crumbled under the pressure of adulthood, especially as I turned my back on God.
In this specific episode of his YouTube series, Pastor Tim colorfully illustrates his own salvation. To him, his salvation was unmistakable. A rebellious, wretched sinner, dead in his transgressions brought to life; the impossible was made possible. In Tim’s mind, there was no way his salvation was fabricated – it was not a subjective experience, but rather, it was an objective truth. In hearing Tim’s response, I began to reflect on truths that I used to hold dear. I began to remember.
Do You Not Remember?
“And they had forgotten to take bread, and did not have more than one loaf in the boat with them. And He was giving orders to them, saying, ‘Watch out! Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.’ They began to discuss with one another the fact that they had no bread.
And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, ‘Why do you discuss the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet see or understand? Do you have a hardened heart? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces you picked up?’ They said to Him, ‘Twelve.’ ‘When I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of broken pieces did you pick up?’ And they said to Him, ‘Seven.’ And He was saying to them, ‘Do you not yet understand?’” [Mark 8:14-21]
On this occasion (found in both Matthew 16:1-12 & Mark 8:11-21), Jesus encounters the Pharisees and the Sadducees, and as usual, He rebukes them. Upon leaving them, Jesus and His disciples board a boat. On this boat Jesus warns His disciples about “the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees” (Matthew 16:12), comparing their teaching to leaven. Jesus’ disciples, as seen above, misinterpret Jesus’ words. Ironically, they fear that Jesus is calling them out for not having carried any bread on the boat. Jesus uses this opportunity to teach His disciples an important lesson.
Just a short while prior, Jesus multiplied five loaves and two fish to feed a crowd of five thousand (Mark 6:33-44, Matt. 14:13-21), and even earlier, Jesus multiplied seven loaves and a few small fish to feed a crowd of four thousand (Mark 8:1-10, Matt. 15:32-39). Jesus’ disciples witnessed a miracle that blew away the universal norm of rationality and logic, introducing the supreme truth of God’s supernatural power and ability.
For a group that had just witnessed a few loaves of bread being multiplied to feed over nine thousand people, bread should be the least of their concerns. How could they reasonably worry about not having bread when Jesus supernaturally produced enough bread that could last them a lifetime?
I Remember
For several years now, the Lord has used this passage to minister to me. There are trying moments when I am both exhausted and doubtful, yet as I read this scripture, the Lord says to me “Do you not remember?”
I remember when the Lord saved me. I was a staunch atheist who hated the Lord, yet in the midst of a worship service, he lovingly broke down my pride. In tears, I repented of my sin and accepted the Lord. I remember when the Lord led me to marry my wife. A nervous wreck, I was unsure whether Toni was the one for me. It’s the Lord who spoke to me, directed me, and gave me the courage and boldness to pursue her in marriage.
I remember when the Lord has provided for me. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]Over and over, just when I thought all hope was gone, the Lord has made a way for me. [/inlinetweet]From the jobs I acquired, to the saints He has used to bless me, the Lord has always been watchful over me. When the Lord asks “Do you not remember?” in the midst of trials and tribulation, my heart exclaims “Yes Lord, I remember!” [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]His faithfulness brings courage to my heart in the darkest of times.[/inlinetweet]
Do YOU Remember?
Jesus’ disciples had forgotten about His wondrous acts of multiplication. In the midst of their inattention, Jesus’ disciples began to worry about something they had no business worrying about.
I had forgotten about God’s sovereignty over my life. In the midst of life’s pressures, I began to worry about things that the Lord had previously proven to be minuscule.
What have you forgotten about? What are you worried about now? Pause and think for a moment. What has the Lord already done for you in the past? Do you remember? The Lord has been faithful to you. If you seem to have trouble remembering His faithfulness towards you, look no further than the cross. On that day God showed His love, “…He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” [John 3:16]. In the midst of your troubles, stop and remember; look towards the cross and cling to His promises, for He is a loving and faithful God.