Unpretty: TLC, Natural Hair, and God

A few months ago, I carpooled with a friend after work, and the song “Unpretty” by TLC came on. If you’re unfamiliar with the song, TLC discusses a common issue among women: our struggle to embrace and love our God-given beauty. 17 years after the single’s release, I am still one of those women TLC is singing about. This left me feeling distraught.

You Change Your hair If You Want To
I was uncomfortable listening to the song, because I felt TLC called me out. I disliked my hair because it wasn’t long and straight. I have spent the majority of my life hating my hair. I even pleaded to the Lord various times, begging him to keep my fresh perm and edges intact. But weeks later, my anxiety would kick in and I would be back to straightening my hair twice a day, futilely trying to keep my curls at bay.

To put it plainly, [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I struggled with seeing the beauty in my hair’s kinks and coils. I didn’t like the fact that my hair had assumed a mind of its own – a mind that did not fit in with the Western World’s standard of beauty…and consequently my own.[/inlinetweet] My hair’s reluctance to conform to the Western world’s view of beauty left me emotionally drained and with low self-esteem.

I grew up with the notion that long and straight was the ultimate hair goal as a black woman. The western media showed that the straighter your hair was, the more beautiful you were and I strongly believed this. There wasn’t a solid representation of afro-centric women on TV; seeing these images of this type of hair fueled my unhealthy obsession.

Unveiling True Beauty
So I put so much blood, sweat and tears into creating hairstyles with various extensions. Even these hairstyles were a problem in itself for me, because it came with a hierarchy. If I had braids or a weave, I’d worry about the length, quality, and texture; this all contributed to my rank amongst the hair community, but the insecurity I felt was prevalent in any hairstyle I chose because I never loved my natural hair.

After years of cultivating an unhealthy view of beauty, [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I had convinced myself that verse 14 of Psalms 139 — I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well — applied to everything, but my hair.[/inlinetweet] My stubbornness to see and honor God’s view of my hair and beauty as a whole really placed a wedge between my hair and I. We really hated each other. It was a sincere struggle for us to co-exist. I’ve cried countless times over it, hoping the Lord would just take me out of my misery and grant me Rapunzel’s locks. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I needed to be reminded that what God says about beauty applies to everything, from my hair down to my toes[/inlinetweet], I was only fooling myself. This isn’t how the Lord saw me.

The Big Chop
Upon this realization, I repented by earnestly praying to God and asking him to forgive me this sinful mindset. I had to place my faith solely in how he viewed me. The next day I went to the hair salon and cut it all off; I had to rid myself of this idol. But the arrival of Sunday posed a new challenge. I had to face my church family with my new do and they’ve never seen me with so short of hair. Many thoughts plagued my mind; the most prevalent one was that I made a mistake. I was feeling anxious, nervous, and scared but somehow I made into the car and went to church.

As soon as I arrived, I wanted to hide. I kept my head low and took a seat in the middle section. Even during the sermon, my eyes were glued to my bible in an attempt to not draw attention to myself.  I hoped for a getaway car or a scarf, but I wasn’t that crafty and had nothing to shield my hair. All I had was the washroom so I hid in there for a few minutes like a coward and came out because the service was ending. I was shocked at my own fear because I knew deep down my church family would always embrace me with love, which they did. I wanted to stay hidden, but the Lord forced me out of my insecurity for a reason.

Everyday isn’t easy; I’d be lying if I said I woke up feeling beautiful with my natural hair everyday. For the first few months after my haircut, I always wore lipstick as a comfort because I wanted to appear more feminine. One occasion at work, I was mistaken for a boy from afar, which left me heartbroken that day. I still felt a tad insecure. Even now, I struggle with envy of other women’s natural growth and I have to remind myself again of Psalms 139:14. But it is amazing that now I can laugh at those moments. I thank God for, slowly but surely, sanctifying my heart on my view of beauty and my hair.